A Bandaid for Social Media

A few years ago, I overheard some teenage girls talking about “thigh gap.” Since this was the first time I’d heard of it, I asked them to explain it to me. They said that when they post selfies on social media, they stand a certain way to make the space between their thighs look larger. These girls were valuing their self-worth and peer approval on how thin their thighs looked in pictures. I became increasingly concerned about the negative effects social media has on self-image. It saddened me that teenagers were comparing pictures of “thigh gap” on social media. These young ladies were beautiful, and they didn’t have to form their identity based on perceptions from social media. I wanted them to know that God loves them unconditionally, and that He is concerned about the condition of their hearts, not the space between their thighs.

Recently, when I looked in the mirror, I saw a middle-aged woman who was also seeking approval through social media. When I first got on social media 10 years ago, it was a great way to reconnect with old high school friends and college roommates. It was exciting to see pictures of their families and be updated on how successful they had become. There were also ex-boyfriends and bullies from middle school on social media that made me feel relieved we were on different paths. Overall, for the first few years it was enjoyable to see how everyone’s lives turned out. But soon, I stumbled down the path of comparing myself to my friends and became jealous of their seemingly perfect careers, families, and successes. Instead of being happy for them and thankful for how God had blessed them, I slowly became ungrateful and unsatisfied. I started questioning God and coveting my friends possessions and accomplishments.

As I searched Scripture, I came across 2 Corinthians 10:12b, which says, “…but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” God warns us that it is unwise to compare ourselves to others. When I was a teenager, we had a yearbook that came out once a year with pictures of our classmates in it. Today, we are bombarded daily with hundreds of pictures and videos of our peers on social media. Our children are growing up with images that are photo-shopped and filtered. The lines between reality and fantasy are blurred on social media. I am trying to teach my children (and remind myself!) what is right and true. I want my daughters to know their identity does not come from a “thigh gap.” I want them to know their significance is not measured by “likes” on social media. I am thankful for the opportunity social media has given me to connect with friends and family. But, I am also aware of the danger of finding my self-worth through social media.

 

 

A Bandaid For Depression

The first time I experienced depression was when my grandmother died from pancreatic cancer in the 1990’s. I was thirteen years old and didn’t know what depression was. There is more information and awareness about depression and mental health today than when I was a child. I didn’t know what depression was, but I knew what it felt like. Since my mom was a single mother, my grandmother helped raise me. Losing my grandmother to cancer felt like losing my mother. When my grandmother passed away, a thick dark cloud of pain and grief covered me. I didn’t know how to overcome the immense sadness. During most of my teenage years I turned to the world and made poor choices to numb the pain. In college I started going to church and seeking a relationship with God. I turned my life over to Christ, and for the first time, I experienced peace and joy through my relationship with God.

The second time I experienced depression was after my first daughter Haley was born with special needs. The doctor diagnosed me with postpartum depression and prescribed anti-depressants. Taking anti-depressants helped me cope with the pain and grief of having a daughter with special needs. I remember feeling embarrassed about being on medication for depression, and I didn’t want anyone to know that I was taking them. When I became pregnant with my second child, I stopped taking the anti-depressants because I didn’t want the baby to be affected by the medications. After I had my other three children, I experienced the typical baby blues, but nothing as severe as postpartum depression. We had four kids in six years, and I was constantly changing diapers, washing bottles, sippy cups, and clothes. There was no time to be depressed. I was constantly on my feet holding and rocking babies and cleaning up spit up and spills.

The third distinct time I experienced depression was in my mid-thirties. We moved to Fort Worth, Texas for my husband to pastor a large church. As soon as we unpacked our suit cases, I came unglued. I couldn’t hold it together anymore. I had been in survival mode for many years trying to juggle being a good wife, good mother, good pastor’s wife, good daughter, good friend, and I felt so overwhelmed. I just gave up. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t sleep at night. I didn’t want to eat. The doctor prescribed anti-depressants and sleeping pills for me. This time the medication didn’t help. It was like being in a deep, dark hole. During that time my husband took on more responsibilities with the children, especially helping my daughter with special needs. I started going to counseling and working through painful issues from my past. My husband also attended many counseling sessions with me to work through difficulties facing our marriage.

Now that I am in my 40’s I feel better prepared and equipped to face depression. There are varying degrees and types of depression. Some forms of depression can be overcome through therapy and counseling. Other types of depression can be controlled with medication. I also believe in the healing power of God’s Word. The world is filled with lies that embed within us a false view of self. These lies often spark and sustain long periods of depression. Lies must be attacked with truth. And thankfully, God provides us the Bible for truth, wisdom, guidance, and healing. He tells us in His Word how to forgive, let go, and move forward. One of the greatest tools for overcoming depression for me has been reading Scripture. I am overcoming my depression by memorizing verses that reveal truth and light. The Bible says in Psalm 119:105, “Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” On the darkest night in the deepest hole, God shines His light on us through His words. The Bible is filled with examples of love and mercy, and stories of grace and forgiveness. The words of truth found in the Bible can heal the brokenhearted and depressed. If you or someone you know is suffering with depression, please get help from a friend, counselor or doctor, and seek God’s Word for healing.

A Bandaid for Loneliness

For millions of people, loneliness tends to sneak in throughout the holidays. While the cultural expectation is to gather with family and friends, many people don’t live near their family, nor do they have close friends. And as a result, they feel alone. As I was reflecting upon loneliness, I thought about Adam being alone in the garden of Eden. One of the first things God did for Adam in the Garden was give him a wife. In Genesis 2:18: “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.’” God created us as relational beings. First, He desires a relationship with us above everything else. But also, one of the greatest gifts God gave Adam was a wife. The first family began when God joined Adam and Eve together, one man and one woman. Then, God blessed them with children, which was another remarkable gift! God’s original design for mankind was to enjoy relational intimacy with a family. Adam could have lived his entire life in the Garden with God as His only relationship, but God wanted to provide Adam with more than a place to live. He sought to give Adam someone similar in nature to share and enjoy the garden with him. Just as we long to give our children something special at Christmas to show our love, God the Father desires to give us more than we deserve to express His love. He offers relationships.

At Christmas, God gave us the ultimate gift. He wrapped Himself in flesh, and in a surprising move, Jesus was placed in a family. He could have chosen many ways to reveal Himself, but He placed this blessed child in a family to relate to us. Mysteriously, He was born fully God and fully man by an earthly woman. And since He was fully man, He felt every pain and temptation, including loneliness, yet He remained faithful to the Father not to sin. This is important because when Adam sinned in the garden, rebelling against God’s instruction not to eat the fruit, the relationship between him and God was damaged. Death and separation became the consequences for sin. But in an amazing show of love and mercy, Jesus descended from heaven to restore our broken relationship with God by taking His sinless life to the cross and freely dying for us. He became our substitute. And now, because of this amazing sacrifice, if we place our faith in Jesus, our sins are forgiven, and we receive the gift of eternal life. We become children of God. And when that happens, we’re placed in a family. It’s our church family. Part of God’s plan of redemption is for brothers and sisters in Christ to walk alongside one another, comforting and helping each other in times of need, including loneliness. For some people, this is their only family.

If you are feeling lonely this Christmas, God understands your longing for relationships. Just like God gave Adam a family in the Garden of Eden and Jesus a family in Bethlehem, God has given you a church family. While your church family isn’t perfect (like your biological family), it’s a family to help quench your relational yearning. But ultimately, God offers you an eternal relationship with Him through His Son, Jesus. Through Jesus, you have the love of the Heavenly Father and the fellowship of brothers and sisters in Christ forever! This Christmas you don’t have to be alone. Not only do you have the gift of Jesus’ presence, but you also have a church family ready to do life with you.

 

A Bandaid for Thanksgiving

It’s easy to be thankful when we have plenty and our cups are spilling over. The true test of our faith comes when we find ourselves lacking and in need. When things have been stripped away from us and our lives are falling apart, how do we respond? This Thanksgiving I am reminded of Job’s story. Job was a righteous man who had a great family and many earthly possessions. When Satan sought to turn Job away from God by killing his children and taking away his wealth, Job still trusted the Lord. After receiving the news of all the devastation, Job said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:20) Job learned how to bless the name of the Lord through both the good and bad things in his life.

When Satan tested Job a second time, he attacked Job’s health. In a conversation between Satan and God, Satan alleged that if Job’s physical body would be afflicted, he would curse God. Satan said, “Skin for skin…a man will give all he has for his own life. But now stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face.” (Job 2:4-5) Job was then afflicted with painful sores from his head to his toes. When Job’s wife, who was still grieving the loss of her children and home, saw Job’s sores, she told him to “curse God and die.” (Job 2:9) But once again, Job trusted God, and he spoke to his wife “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” (Job 2:10) Even though everything had been taken away from Job, including his health, he still trusted God.

Throughout our lives, we will be tested. Our circumstances may not be as horrendous as Job’s, but we will all face adversary. As Thanksgiving rolls in this week, I am very thankful for all God has provided for me and done in my life. However, if I am being completely honest, there have been Thanksgivings when I felt more like Job’s wife. For example, the first Thanksgiving with our newborn daughter, Haley, was difficult. During this Thanksgiving, Haley was five months old. Two months earlier, she had cranial facial surgery to correct her skull structure. The front of Haley’s skull was fused together at birth, so the neurosurgeon had to cut her skin from ear to ear and pulled off the front section of her skull to repair it. He cut the once-fused section of her skull and reshaped it to create growth plates. Her brain was then able to grow and develop. Two months after this surgery, the fresh scars and uneven hairline still showed on Thanksgiving Day. My heart ached every time I glanced at those wounds. This would be just one of the many challenges we’d face with Haley’s genetic disorder.

I was only 26 years old at the time of this surgery, and I didn’t understand why God was letting this happen. Why would He allow my precious three-month-old daughter, who only weighed 11 pounds, to go through such a traumatic surgery? Haley’s first year was the hardest year of my life. I didn’t want to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays or any holiday. But God has a way of changing things. Fast-forward 14 years. I’m starting to see how God is turning my difficult memories into places of blessing. Today, I choose to celebrate Thanksgiving with a grateful heart. I’m truly thankful for all Haley has taught me about unconditional love. Haley has freed me from the bondage of perfectionism. She is teaching me how to be a better servant. And as Haley continues to humble me and stretch me in many different ways, I hope at the end of my life I can say like Job, “He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10) If you are facing a trial or test this Thanksgiving, I hope you can look at Job’s example and be encouraged.

A Bandaid for Waiting

I completed a Master of Arts in Christian School Education from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in 2004. Three weeks after graduating, my oldest daughter Haley was born. Haley was born with special needs and required major surgeries at 3 months old and 8 years old. During the first few years of Haley’s life I spent countless hours at the doctor’s office and therapy appointments. As a pastor’s wife I have visited many people in the hospital. One of the hardest places to wait is in a hospital waiting room. People are often pacing back and forth, waiting anxiously to hear news about their loved one. When I had my 3 other children, there was more waiting. I remember being 9 months pregnant and going over my due date 3 different times. While we lived in Atlanta, Georgia and Ft. Worth, Texas, I learned how to wait in traffic over that span of 10 years.  When the kids were preschoolers I could hardly wait for them to start Kindergarten. It’s been a lot of waiting. Fast-forward 14 years. This Fall, I was finally able to use my Seminary degree. I was asked to teach a Survey of the Bible class at Ouachita Baptist University as an adjunct professor in the Christian Studies department. It has been one of the greatest experiences for me, and it was worth the wait!

When I think about those who waited in the Bible, I am reminded of Moses who spent 40 years wandering in the desert before seeing the Promised Land. I think of Abraham and Sarah who waited until their 90’s to have their son, Isaac. I think of the Israelites who waited 70 years in Babylonian captivity before returning to Jerusalem. I think about the 400 years of biblical quietness between the Old and New Testaments. But God broke His silence, revealing to Zechariah that his son, John the Baptist, would prepare the way for the Messiah. When Jesus was finally born, He waited 30 years before launching His ministry. After Jesus was crucified, He waited three days to be raised from the dead. After Jesus ascended to heaven, the disciples waited 10 days for Pentecost. At Pentecost the Holy Spirit came down and fell upon God’s people for the first time. Ezekiel saw the Lord’s presence depart from the Temple, and now God’s Spirit returns to reside in the hearts of believers. But even now, it has been over 2000 years, and we are still waiting for the second coming of Jesus.

You might be in a season of waiting right now. You could be waiting on God to provide you a spouse or a child. You might be waiting to finish school, get a job, or a promotion. You might be waiting on test results or a cancer medication to cure you. For decades, you may have been praying for a loved one, hoping God will send a miracle. You may have struggled with the same addiction your whole life, and you’re still waiting to be delivered. The Psalmist gives us encouragement for times of waiting. In Psalm 40:1-2 it says “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” If you are waiting right now, you are not alone. God hears your cry for help. Don’t give up. Keep waiting.

A Bandaid for Failure

I am trying to get licensed in Arkansas to become a certified teacher. Last month, I took the Praxis test and did not pass the Math portion of the exam. So, I’ll have to retake the Math section of the test this Fall. Over the past couple of months, I applied to three different jobs and did not get any of them. These experiences reminded me that failures are just another part of life. Sometimes we fail in small ways and other times we mess up big time.

As a wife and mom, I feel like a failure when we run out of important household items like milk, bread, or toilet paper. I feel defeated when I leave the clothes in the washing machine too long, and they turn to a sour smell. I’ve accidently washed diapers in the washing machine several times. Since I started cooking on a regular basis 18 years ago, I still burn food or make meals that don’t taste good. My husband and kids have suffered through many of my failed attempts in the kitchen.

It is difficult to measure success in parenting. When my kids were toddlers, I was simply glad they were still alive at the end of the day. Keeping them from choking or hurting themselves seemed like a major accomplishment. One time my oldest son drove his toy car down our split-level stairs and chipped his tooth. My younger son flipped that same car and received stitches in his chin. One of the greatest struggles for me was toilet training toddlers. At times I felt I was doing something wrong when they had an accident. It was such a triumph when my preschoolers became fully toilet trained! As my kids grow older, I get angry for different types of things. When I lose my temper and yell at them, I feel horrible afterwards.

Failure is a part of life. When you mess up, remember that God loves you and forgives you. One of the verses that encourages me when I fail is Proverbs 24:16, “For the righteous falls seven times and rises again.” It takes courage to get up and try again when you fall. Brave people apologize when they make mistakes and hurt others. It may take you more than seven tries to get it right, but however long it takes, I encourage you to keep rising up when you stumble and fall. Never stop striving. Get back up!

A Bandaid for Father’s Day

It was difficult for me to celebrate Father’s Day as a child. I didn’t meet my biological father until I was twenty four years old. I had a stepfather and step-siblings for about four years when I was a small child. My mother and stepfather argued a lot and ended up getting a divorce when I was seven years old. After the divorce my step-siblings moved in with their father’s relatives and I never saw them again. By the time I was seven, I had a poor view of fathers. Growing up, I always wanted to be part of a traditional family and longed to know my biological father.

I remember attending church with friends and hearing about God’s love. The Bible study leaders would describe God as a Heavenly Father who loved His children. Due to my experiences with my biological father and stepfather, it was hard for me to picture God as a loving father who cared for His children. On the contrary, when teachers shared about Jesus suffering and dying on the cross, I could easily believe this. Suffering was relatable to me but having a loving father was not. As I grew older, the longing to be loved and accepted unconditionally increased. When I went to college, I finally surrendered my life to God through the ministries of Campus Crusade for Christ. I experienced true forgiveness, grace, and love for the first time from my Heavenly Father. My life changed, and I began to have peace and joy in my life for the first time.

When my husband and I got married, I was so excited to have children and finally experience the family I dreamed of growing up. We have four children, and Louie has been involved their whole lives changing diapers, feeding them, and taking care of them. Watching him father our four children has brought me great healing. Now on Father’s Day, I celebrate my husband who is striving to love my children unconditionally and sacrificially. You might be celebrating an all-star dad that is always there for you on Father’s Day. But for many, Father’s Day can be a painful reminder to people like me who did not have a loving father growing up. Psalm 68:5 says that God is “A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” If you are searching for unconditional love and acceptance, I hope you find it in God today.

 

 

A Bandaid for Mother’s Day

I became a mother for the first time at age 26. I remember the first time I held my newborn daughter, Haley, in the hospital. Haley was born with special needs and went straight to the NICU. I had an emergency c-section and a high fever during labor. The doctors made me wait 24 hours after my fever reduced before I could go to the NICU. It was the longest 24 hours of my life. I wanted to hold my new baby girl so badly. When my fever subsided, my husband took me to the NICU, and I was finally able to hold that precious 8 pounds 3-ounce baby girl. I cannot adequately put into words the unique, deep emotions I felt that day. I thought I knew what love was. I’ve experienced love for family and friends, but when I held Haley in my arms for the first time, a new type of love burst from my heart.

For the first time, I got a glimpse of God’s love as a heavenly parent. In Matthew 23:37 Jesus says, “How often I have wanted to gather your children together as a hen protects her chicks beneath her wings.” It was as if my arms suddenly grew wings, and all I wanted to do was protect this precious little girl. In Psalm 91:4, Scripture teaches that God “will cover you with His feathers. He will shelter you with His wings.” I had known what it was like to be protected by my mother’s wings. I had read that God loved me like parent. But until I became a mother, I didn’t fully understand this type of love. I’ve heard people talk about the love a mama bear has for her cub. When Haley was born, the mama bear instinct immediately came out, and I knew I would lay down my life for this child. I would fight off any lion or wild beast that would harm her. It is an overwhelming feeling and a love like no other.

This Mother’s Day you may feel like a calm mother hen gently gathering her chick under her wings. You could also be in the middle of the greatest battle, fighting for your cub’s life. Whether you feel like a mother hen or a mama bear this Mother’s Day, I encourage you to rest in the arms of your Heavenly Father who understands your struggles and heartaches as a parent. Look to Him for guidance as you make decisions for your children and face difficult circumstances. As a parent, I constantly remind myself that God’s plans for my children are better than mine. I believe Isaiah 55:8-9 when God declares “‘My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,’ says the Lord. ‘And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.’”

A Bandaid for Easter

One thing about the resurrection story that has always stood out to me is that when the disciples went to the empty tomb, they found Jesus’ grave clothes. If you have ever been delivered of a particular sin or stronghold, you know how heavy and confining those grave clothes can be. Sometimes you get comfortable in your sin. Those grave clothes feel like a warm sweater or snugly blanket at first. But soon they start to tighten and squeeze the life out of you. The grips of sin can be suffocating. When Jesus was raised from the dead He left the grave clothes behind Him. He didn’t take those old, dingy cloths with Him and neither should you. The moment you accept Christ into your life He gives you a new life in Him.

When Jesus raised Lazarus from the grave, Lazarus came out of the tomb wearing grave clothes. In John 11:44 it says “The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, ‘Unbind him, and let him go.’” I wonder how many times in my life Jesus has said, “Unbind her and let her go.” There have been times when I needed someone to help me take off the grave clothes. I have sought advice from wise friends and counselors over the years. Sometimes I needed people to speak truth to me and remove the spiritual blinders from my life. Just like those heavy cloths wrapped around Lazarus’ face, I have had things in my life cloud and dim my vision.

God doesn’t want us blindly walking around in grave clothes or bound up in sin. He wants to free us and give us a new life. When Jesus comes into your heart and life, He makes you a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” Jesus doesn’t come in like a maid or cleaning service. He doesn’t start dusting, vacuuming or scrubbing. Jesus comes in like a heart surgeon to give you a heart transplant. He gives you a new heart and a new life. Even though our tendency is to return to the patterns of the world and old sinful life, we must strive to leave the grave clothes behind and keep them off. I encourage you to turn to the resurrection power of Jesus this Easter and leave the things that bind you in the grave.

A Bandaid for Valentine’s Day

For some people, Valentine’s Day is an exciting day filled with flowers, chocolates, and cards. For others, it can be a reminder of loneliness, heartbreak, and regret. When I was 16 years old, my first boyfriend in high school told me that he loved me. I thought he hung the moon, and I felt we would be together forever. You can imagine my surprise after six months when he broke up with me to start dating other girls. I was devastated. I spent the next week crying as I faced Valentine’s Day with a broken heart. All I knew about love came from what I watched in movies. As a child, I believed in the Cinderella story of happily ever after. But after age 16, I discovered that lust and love are two different things. Lust is a strong emotion that can fade and turn like the wind. But true love is more than a feeling; it is a choice and a continuous act of sacrifice.

Paul writes in Romans 5:8 that “God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Love is demonstrated when we wash our spouse’s dirty socks and underwear. It is an act of love when we cook dinner for our families instead of conveniently going through the drive through or ordering pizza. Love is cleaning up vomit at 2:00 AM. It is getting on hands and knees to scrub toilets and wash floors. Sacrificial love is authorizing the doctor to cut open your stomach to keep the baby alive. Sacrificial love is changing the diaper of your mentally challenged teenager, disabled spouse, or aging parent. True love is serving others with tangible actions of sincere devotion.

The greatest act of sacrifice in the Bible is when Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the world. There are few people in the world I would suffer and die for. I can count them on one hand. But God sent His one and only Son to die a brutal death on the cross for the sins of mankind. Jesus died for the thief, the murderer, the child molester, and every sinner since the beginning of time. When you put your faith and trust in Christ your sins are forgiven. You can stand before God completely spotless and blameless because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. John 15:13 says “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” True love always requires sacrifice. You will find love when you die to your selfish desires and put others first. If your heart is hurting this Valentine’s Day, remember that love is not a feeling or emotion. It is a decision to act. We can’t make those around us live sacrificially, but we can choose to pour out our lives for others and serve them unselfishly today.